How to become a better ally?

It is this great blog that inspired me this article, and as I go back to it I see that she just published this post on how allies can make mistakes, kind of an echo to mine!

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I want to become a better ally in the fights for the rights, respect and equality of people – I think here notably of trans, non binary persons, of fat persons, of Black persons, of disabled persons - especially women*.

I know that, in spite of wanting and considering myself respectful, open minded, turned toward justice, human rights and equality, I still carry, from my environment, my education, the media and culture, the mainstream discourses, all of these hurting stereotypes, all this defiance and readiness to question and impose my judging gaze on my surroundings with a certain fear and lack of understanding of the “different”.

So how can I become a better ally?

FIRST, I believe I have to continue to be aware of these oppressing, negative thoughts and attitude I carry and restlessly fight them. I should not be ashamed of sharing them to bring up discussions that may help to overcome them, or at least raise awareness in others.

>> I know that I still would feel less safe walking alone and being faced with a Black man than a white man, just for his skin color or his suburban style of clothing.

>> I know that I still want to see the male features behind a trans woman (and the female features in trans man) and always need to put a specific gender on someone else’s figure, although I believe the first is quite disrespectful and intruding and the second should not be needed to develop a relationship of any kind with another person.

>> I know that I still tend to fat shaming, wondering why these fat people let themselves become so, as if it was something wrong to be fat in the first place, and something they have and need to have control over in the second place.

>> I know that persons with disability are like invisible in my world, and that I too often reduce “them” to the single case of persons in wheelchair, dismissing the specific abilities and disabilities of each person.

SECOND, I want to listen more to the stories they tell, the rights they fight for with their own words and organizations. I need to make sure I know what their challenges are from their point of view, to be aware of me contributing to them or not, and that I know what the solutions they put forward and ask for, to understand and support them.

>> Here is one blog, in French, giving the voice to women victims of fatphobia in the medical, public and private spheres

>> I loved my reading of Americanah by Chimamanda Ngozi Adichie, how her main character, a Nigerian Black girl, writes these brilliant posts pointing out daily racism and racial issues in America

THIRD, beyond the images and paper stories, I wish to meet the human beings, as persons as a whole and not only defined by their oppression, in a context of fight but also of normal life, in order to get rid of all these remaining stereotypes. Exchange with them, learn from their experience, be by their side. This is where I greatly need to do better, because I am still staying within my comfortable, “normal” cozy bubble, not stepping out and toward the others.

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I will close by sharing this challenging article “Ten Counterproductive Behaviors of Well-Intentioned People”, following their good advice: do your own research and educate yourself

*PS, I modified this list after reviewing it in 2023 to make it more correct and relevant